Chookah

Sweet Jesus, dog...

I had no idea that a dog as sweet and lovable as my not-so-little Ginger could smell so FOUL.

I'm sitting at my desk, working when this horrible, fetid smell washes over me.

I'm thinking that something is dead in the office.  After looking around and not finding anything, I turn to the dog.  "What the FUCK did you roll in?" She looks at me sheepishly and slinks off to "her" spot in the office, glaring at me from her stinky corner of the room.

I'm seriously debating about pushing her into the shower, turning it on and coming back in about 20 minutes to see if the stench has abated.  That 20 minutes will be spent ripping up the carpet she was just laying on and BURNING it.

Why is it that dogs seek out the rankest, foulest, most OBSCENE smells in the neighborhood and insist on bringing them home with them?  At 11pm at night?  How does this happen?

Thanks, Ginger, but no thanks.  You keep that stench to yourself.  Blech.

The Coming Apocalypse...

Yes, it's true. 

I should be working (and yes, it's 10:30 pm - this is one of the many reasons for my recent lapse in posting) but I'm not.

I've actually determined that Rob Zombie has at least two different "Owwwww" sounds in his songs.

"Owwwww" #1 resembles a cat who's being strangled and is used for emphasis in the middle of a verse.

"Owwwww" #2 is a lower and less enthusiastic version of #1.  A more subdued "Owww" to fill the void in between verses.  Less dying cat, more, "I'm suffering from a kidney stone".

Don't know who Rob Zombie is?  Here's a visual.

See.  You didn't believe that the Apocalypse is actually knocking on my door.  Then again, if you knew me as a teen, the music and the Apocalypse comes as no suprise.

(I promise, more valuable content is forthcoming).

Damn Straight!

You go, Mr. T!!!!  Sing it loud!

http://www.ifilm.com/WMPPlaylist.asx?ifilmId=2667017&bandwidth=300

If you don't take any message away from this clip (and mother's day is coming up - hint, hint) at least you'll be able to enjoy the 80's haircuts, horrible backup singers and convertible orange VW Rabbit.

This explains a lot..

I was wondering why the bananas in the house were disappearing faster than the pumpkin chocolate chip cookies...

http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/TV/04/07/tv.cookie.lessmonster.ap/index.html

"My beloved blue, furry monster -- who sang "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me" -- is now advocating eating healthy. There's even a new song -- "A Cookie Is a Sometimes Food," where Cookie Monster learns there are "anytime" foods and "sometimes" foods."

My only beef?  I saw the freaking Sesame Street episode before the story was posted on cnn.com.  This is from an episode I saw two days ago, "Some foods loud.  Carrot deafening but very tasty.  Some food new. Artichoke is new food.  Eating it called 'turning over new leaf.'"

COWABUNGA!!!

Crack, anyone?

This is what crack looks like.

Sebastian MUST HAVE THIS TO SLEEP.

What does this mean?  It means that I'm a sucka.  I'll give it to him so that I can sleep.

Tonight I tried an experiment, I tried putting him to sleep without it.  Bad, bad move.  Tonight I felt like I was babysitting a crack addict going through withdrawals.  The writhing, the screaming, the tears.

Yeah, I caved.  He's finally sleeping peacefully.

What's the harm, you ask?  Recurrent ear infections.  Daycare + binki = increased ear infections.  The pediatrician says break him of the habit.  "It may take a couple of days for him to get used to not having it but it will help his ear infections."  Does she *really* understand what she's saying? I'd be the one with the crack addiction at the end of those measly "couple of days".

Would methadone work to help this addiction?  Any tips or tricks are VERY MUCH WELCOME!!

[edited to add: Aaron, you are the master in all things concerning the binki.  I was wrong.  Dead wrong.]

Dropping Shoes

I can't help but think that something bad is going to happen very soon.  I have this sense of impending doom that I just can't shake. It underlies everything that I've done for the past 3 months.  It's the doom monkey that I can't get off my back.

Maybe I'm too eager for spring and the grey weather (and snow) has got me down.

Maybe it's because I haven't had a relaxing or fun weekend for a loooong time.

Maybe it's because I worry so much and for so long that I'm staring at a total and complete breakdown.

Maybe I've been so focused on what other people need instead of what I need that I'm ready to say "fuck it all" and be a hermit in the hills.

I don't know what's going on, but whatever it is, I need it to stop.

New Look and Feel

You may have noticed a new look and feel for Chookah (if you see some garbled mess, click the "refresh" button on your browser).  I've been playing with colors and content for a couple of weeks (when I have time) and have finally come up with a combination that I'm relatively happy with.

The banner still isn't top-notch but it's updated to reflect Sebastian's blossoming personality and toy preferences.

I've asked for help with the design of the header (hint, hint) but haven't gotten any feedback on what to change, how to make things better, etc. So, please feel free to throw comments, suggestions and barbs my way.

Any feedback is better than no feedback.  Ya know?

Oh! And if you want to know what to get me for my birthday or Mother's Day (because, contrary to popular belief, they are different holidays) there is a link on the bottom left-hand side of the page which links to a list of items I update on Amazon.com.

I am?

These are the results I got from one of those cutsie co-marketed online tests that are smattered all over the Internet.  I've cut out the co-marketing crap about saving for retirement at the bottom of the results. (I'm also not going to tell you what site I took the test on because I think that they're smarmy in their co-marketing tactics).

And yes, I took the test partly because I was curious.  Partly to view the other co-marketing content for a work project.

(my comments are in parenthesis - cause you know, I just can't keep my mouth shut)

Sunny, you've got what it takes to be a Creative Mom! (I do?)

Recipe for: The Creative Mom
Quote: "No problem! We'll just..." (we'll just... what?)

Ingredients:
A bunch of fresh ideas  (fresh, huh)
A potful of ingenuity  (pot calling the kettle black)
A dash of inspiration (isn't he a character in the Incredibles?)
Whatever's in the fridge (for the love of God, DON'T LOOK IN THE FRIDGE!!!!)

You're the type of mom who can make a prize-winning Halloween costume from cardboard boxes and old stuff from the garage (see, Isabell, being a bum is cool!), or whip up a tasty after-work meal from whatever's in the fridge (you mean from any take-out place in between work and home) and the cupboard (Nutter Butter's, anyone?). And what about your ability to make an earlier bedtime sound like a great idea to the kids? When there's a problem, you solve it—with wit and inspiration. (does inspriation come from the grocery store?)

You're a figure-outer (I'm no grammarian, but is this even a word?) and it shows in your creativity and innovation. Whether it's taking care of school projects or giving social advice to your kids (don't hit back, scream your GUTS out if she hits you again. Follow her through the house and don't stop screaming), when you put that sharp mind to it, you always come up with devastatingly (I don't think I like this word considering our recent fishtank disaster and budding toddler) clever solutions.

Tip: Don't slow down on the ingenuity when it comes time for cooking for the family. If you know they like something, don't make it over and over. Be creative. (creative and food don't compute for me) Think of other dishes that are similar to the favorites, (how many ways can you make mac n' cheese?) but with an interesting twist. It may lead to a world of new "mom, can we have?" requests. (already get these from the girls - can we have more treats?  Sure, guys, there's about 50 lbs of sugary treats in the pantry, knock yourselves out)

"NAA-nuh!!!!"

Last night Sebastian and I visited the grocery store.  I needed to stop at the bank location within the grocery store as well.  WIth Sebastian stuck in the cart and me in line at the branch I spied the suckers. Whoo hoo! Jackpot.

You remember the suckers you used to get at the bank?  They disappeared for a while (or maybe I just didn't notice) but they've made their reappearance.  I quickly grabbed one, pulled off the wrapper and offered it to Sebastian who was screaming, "Done! Done! Down! Down!" very loudly and trying to yog-ify his way out of the cart.  He stuck the sucker in his mouth and peace was acheived. *sigh*.

We grabbed a couple of items, milk, drano (for the bathroom that never seems to drain right), pork chops and then we went to the produce aisle.

Sebastian spied the bananas in the fruit area.

"NAAAAAA-NAH! NAAAAAAAAAAA-NAH!" He threw his sucker down on the floor (people, he threw it down like he had just made a touchdown in the Superbowl, this was no wimpy toss or simply a release of the candy treasure).  I threw a bunch of green bananas into the cart and found a slice of apple that they were sampling and offered it to him.  He took the apple, took a couple of small nibbles and exlaimed, "NAAAAAA-NAH!" while arching backwards in the cart, trying to grab the bananas.

I made a mad dash for the register just as the thermonuclear meltdown began.  I offered up a whole range of goodies: wallet, keys, sunglasses, phone, purse.  Nope, all crap. Luckily the checker saw the panic in his eyes at seeing the bananas and not having one in his chubby hand and rang those up first.  I quickly peeled one (do you know how tough it is to peel a green banana while under pressure?) and handed it to him.  Absolute silence fell over the cart and the checkout line.

Lesson learned: when the kid wants a banana, who am I to refuse?