Chookah

Big shock, a gripe about the gas company

Questar and their Thermwise program can SUCK IT!

Questar, our lovely gas company, has a rebate program for homeowners looking to upgrade/replace specific appliances in their house.  Catch?  You have to upgrade to a ridiculous level of energy efficient appliances.

Case in point.  My water heater sucks.  It crackles and pops and won't fill the tub with even mildly lukewarm water.  I tried flushing the sucker twice to get all the sediment and grime out.  Apparently it's "self cleaning" whatever the hell that meant 10 years ago and the flushing was a resounding failure.

Insert joy of home ownership: Time to replace major household appliance! 

I look at instant water heaters and think, "Wow, these are really great!  I'll save money on gas, the thing won't cake with hard water deposits, it will be great for resale value *and* Questar will give me this snazzy $300 rebate!"  Problem: Instant water heater is about $1200, I have to find a heating contractor who knows what the hell they are (the first two on Questar's list had no clue, the third put me on hold for 10 minutes trying to find someone who did), then I have to pay for someone to install it and I will have to replace the vent in my house with a double-insulated one otherwise my home owner's insurance will kill me after I burn the house to the ground because apparently they run a little lot hot.

Next option.

I look at regular water heaters, get the dimensions of the existing water heater, cause it's gonna be a tight fit, and begin my search.

The qualifications for the now reduced rebate (only $50 bones for a standard water heater) are:
-Efficiency rating of 0.62 or higher
-Minimum 40 gallons
-75,000btu/hr or less

No problem.  I start browsing online.  Home Depot has nothing that will qualify, I'm so not shocked at this point.  Lowes has this lovely Option A  and Option B both of which will work!  Huzzah, huzzah!

Problem.  I didn't notice the products won't be in stock until the middle of December.  I go to the store, cash in hand and they don't have a SINGLE product that would qualify for the rebate.

BOOOO Questar!! You tease me with visions of energy efficiency, lowered gas bills all while setting impossible standards that cannot be met by simple retail therapy or "skilled" labor.

The new 50 gallon gas hog is going in tomorrow.  If my gas bills go up exponentially it's either the new water heater, a newfound love of laundry (ha!) or some wretch at the gas company trolling the internet for customers to punish.

A peaceful Sunday afternoon

Not...

To all the nay-sayers who claim that daycare warps young minds, I say "pa-shaw"

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Dog Nirvana

Score:
Gilligan - 1
Cheap dog toys - 0 (eh, who am I kidding, the dog can and has dismantled a Kong before)
Dyson - stressed

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The SNIF Tag..

I have to say that this is a cool toy, it definitely speaks to both the inner geek and dog lover in me.

The SNIF Tag

"Using motion-sensing and wireless technology, the SNIF Tag records all of your pet's activity indoors and out and displays the information through a simple, clear, online interface."

I fear that it's lacking a few features, however and would like to submit the following feature ideas to the makers of this wonderful gadget:

• No-Go Location Setup: allow the dog-parent to define specific "off limits" areas in your house, namely the white couch (lovely with muddy paws), the sofa pillows and other articles of clothing (usually draped over the bannister in the living room) which always seem to make their way through the house, out the dog door and into the back yard.
• Intimidating Voice Feature: allow dog-parent to pre-record messages specific for the dog such as, "This is NOT for you!", "NO barking.", "God damnit, Gilligan!", "Quit humping Ginger!", "For the love of Pete, quit surfing the counter!", etc.
• Virtual Ass Kicking: allow the dog-parent to set pre-determined thresholds for naughty dog behavior resulting in a boot which comes out of the collar, extends behind the dog and gives Gilly the dog a swift kick to the ass.

Multi-Tasking Single Mom on Vacation

21-step process required to give child a memorable life experience.

1. get camera ready
2. buy $12 of stinky fish
3. cover fish with hand to prevent seagull attack while scoping/walking to ideal feeding position.  The seagulls WILL ATTACK YOU FOR YOUR $12 FISH
4. manage 4-year old excitement
5. find spot along wall where few people reside in order to prevent injury of self and 4-year old
6. get camera ready (again)
7. listen to instructions from dolphin trainers about how to call a dolphin over to you to consume $12 of stinky fish
8. relay feeding instructions to child
9. cover $12 of stinky fish with hand and below retaining wall (as instructed), keeping 4-year old next to person to avoid trampling and to "maximize life experience"
10. remember that shooting video clip in Portrait mode will induce strained necks of viewers, switch to Landscape mode
11. hand stinky fish to 4-year old
12. relay stinky fish feeding instructions 4-year old (again)
13. begin feeding $12 stinky fish
14. praise 4-year old
15. shoot 3 second clip of hand and fish and no dolphin or 4-year old child
16. continue feeding
17. praise 4-year old (again)
18. continue to protect $12 stinky fish with hand, below the retaining wall
19. pour stinky fish juice on leg
20. relay stinky fish feeding instructions to 4-year old (again)
21. shoot 16 second video clip (see below)

(side note: the dolphins did feel really cool and are amazing animals.  I can't wait for Sebastian to get older so we can go swimming with them - and for him to schlep his own crap through a theme park)